Mariah Carey Makes Wishes Come True

Mariah Carey was in attendance at the Make a Wish Foundation’s Wish Night Gala on Friday, appropriately attired like a whore. I don’t know any details of the event, or which little kid’s wish it was to meet Tubby McSlut in the flesh, but I can tell you for damn sure that if I had cancer and was only granted one wish I wouldn’t waste it on Mariah fucking Carey. I’d wish for something totally awesome, like a million dollars. Or maybe a jet pack. Those bastard cancer patients get all the sweet deals.

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Eminem insists he did bang Mariah Carey

After Mariah Carey denied having a relationship with Eminem, the rapper has come forward (to defend his honor, I guess) and said:

“Yes, me and Mariah did have a relationship for about a good six, seven months (…) it didn’t work. I wasn’t really into what she was into; our personalities collided. She’s a diva, and I’m a little more regular, I guess.”

If I were Mariah, I would deny having boned him too. But I would still bone him… if you know what I mean.

Mariah emancipated from Hong Kong date

Mariah gets emancipated from her Hong Kong concert.Just two days before Mariah Carey was due to perform a one off gig in the Chinese city, concert promoters have called off the event, citing low ticket sales and unreasonable demands from Mariah as their reasons for the abrupt cancellation. Concerts Asia was responsible for booking and cutting her gig. They have decided to cancel the event effective immediately due to both the poor response of public ticket sales and also due to specific last minute demands which they found unreasonable and not with the best interests of Hong Kong and the fans.

Concerts Asia reports that only 4,000 tickets were sold for the Saturday gig despite the presumed international popularity of Carey and “a substantial advertising campaign.” The outdoor Tamar Site venue has the capacity to hold up to 13,000 concert goers. With legions of fans in Hong Kong and South East Asia, Mariah has always appreciated the love and dedication they have shown over the years. She deeply regrets the disappointment caused to them due to unforeseen circumstances beyond her control.